What ho

Welcome to the first post of American Parliament. Cards on table - I am another whiny effete social-democrat blogger. I don't like George W. Bush. I wear man-bags. I drink caffe latte. I enjoy reading books.

Ho hum. I hear you. "I can listen to you down at the local independent cafe."

But - fol de rol - I am English! This gives me a unique perspective on American affairs. As you may know, England is tiny. How many English people write blogs about American politics? I'll tell you the answer: none.

As an Englishman, I scale inordinate heights of effemininity. I enjoy ironic little indie songs with clanging guitars. I drive a tiny car. I have no colonies. My jeans are not baggy, I wear no hat, my neck is pencil-thin. Whatever red-staters tell you, being a "fag," - homosexual or heterosexual - does not disable your comment module. People who wear tight trousers maintain their critical faculties. Saidian lefties may dismiss my account of America as "ethnocentric." They are right. But I live in America, and read the papers, and this gives me the right (possibly inalienable) to my two pence.

Right. Let's begin with some rules.

1. I do not "hate America." That would be stupid, like hating an encyclopedia.

2. When I criticize some aspect of American political or cultural life, I am not saying "the UK/Europe is better." I might be saying that, but not necessarily.

3. I am not a liberal, but a social democrat. Liberalism is the principle of small government. Read some 19th-century political philosophers. Most Americans appear to be liberals until they become president, when they start to appreciate the merits of large governments.

4. A related point: "government" is not antithetical to "liberty." Laws are: but government and laws are different things. Governments do lots of other things than make laws. They build roads. Some of them organize schools and hospitals. They defend you from crazy Islamists or your violent husband. Or not. These aspects of government give you opportunities you didn't previously have. Freedoms, if you will.

5. "Liberty" can sometimes be a pain in the arse. Look up William James's comments about booze on Google.

6. If you do not appreciate the grotesque ironies of FoxNews, begone!